...is a writerly type and a souvenir of humanity's most shocking and bizarre neuroses. She supports intellectual elitism, theatre, and pants. Conversely, she stands in staunch opposition to mass genocide, the conservative agenda, and Meryl Streep. During her spare time, she often dabbles in haberdashery and various forms of hero worship, during which she may or not be wearing fluffy socks. Plus, she frequently makes it her goal to engage in social butterflication as a form of emotional outlet, an activity which has undoubtedly made her less dysfunctional than the likes of Andy Warhol, Lois Lane, Burt Reynolds, and that trash can guy from Sesame Street. There is a 34% chance that, on her next birthday, someone will give her the incredible gift of a blanket with sleeves, and she will likely make great use of such an auspicious creation.
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